Facing The Big Six-Oh — with a reality-check from the Glam Gourmet.
“I made him into a success and what thanks do I get? A divorce plus that witch Lorraine is the thanks I get," Charlotte said bitterly. "I’m telling you this because I don’t want one other woman to go through what I’ve been through. I can’t help but notice the way Ms. Hooters looks at Ralph. He looks back, too.”
“It’s that obvious?” I said, my stomach coming unmoored.
“Are you blind or just stupid?” Charlotte said briskly, sounding almost like my no-nonsense mother. “I get the picture because I’ve been there. I could help you get Ralph to pay attention to you, too.”
“Red balconette bras aren’t my style.”
“Maybe they should be.”
Maybe she was right.
Charlotte’s words reverberated ominously in the echo chambers of my psyche. I knew perfectly well that the same things (ditched, dumped & divorced) that had happened to her could (and did) happen to other women. Maybe even including me. Especially now that Ralph was showing definite signs of restlessness.
I began to face reality, as any sane woman would, with an inventory.
My height was average and my weight was (more or less) what it always had been. Small, straight nose, bright blue eyes, fair skin sun-damaged from Bermuda vacations and Maine summers back in the prehistoric era before anyone ever heard of SPF 15. Crow’s feet when I laughed, which was often, and deepening lines that bracketed the area from nose to mouth.
My hair was blonde — OK, greyish-blonde. The part was getting wider every year and the page boy I’d worn since high school hadn’t had a good day since Reagan was President.
My makeup consisted of a quick floof of powder and a dab of Revlon’s Primrose Pink, a variation of the shade I’d worn since my parents — finally! — had allowed me to wear lipstick.
My body had gone from lithe and limber to Viewer Discretion Advised.
I had clothes that were older than half the population and wore underwear that looked like it came from a nunnery.
I tried not to shrink from what time had wrought but, after almost a quarter of a century of marriage, I wondered what Ralph saw when he looked at me. A reminder of years and even decades gone by? A reflection of the almost-sixty-year-old self he wanted to escape/deny, a reality that was about to cost him his job? Even so, did he really think diet and exercise, a renovated physique plus a snazzy wardrobe and/or a hot romance would equal a new self and a fresh start?
I knew perfectly well he did, so when Charlotte offered me a session with her hairstylist, Miguel, and her makeup artist, Sondra, I got off my high horse.
I thanked her and accepted.
The fact was, I loved Ralph and wanted him to stay interested in me (even though he could drive me crazy).
"A totally fabulous, LMAO adventure with some of the best one-liners I've ever read!!!"